Three Reasons For Counseling and/or Therapy in 2009

1. The first reason for marriage counseling is to see if the marriage can be saved. I recommend that in all situations because there are many cases where people have drifted apart, and through counseling with an independent, objective third party who is trained as a marriage counselor or therapist, the lines of communication can often be re-established. Through effective counseling, if people are really willing to work at it, the issues that led to a possible divorce can be resolved and people can build a stronger relationship to move forward in the future as husband and wife.

2. The second reason is for a support system. Anyone going through a divorce needs as much support as possible. Having a counselor, who could be a psychologist, social worker, or psychiatrist, can be a means of venting, helping you clear your thoughts, and providing you support as you go through one of the most traumatic times in your life. As far as life-altering events, a divorce is the third most traumatic, with the most traumatic being the death of a child. Second is the death of a spouse in an in-tact marriage. It is important not only to have a therapist working with you, but also to have the support of friends and relatives, because a divorce is a very difficult time in your life.

3. The third and final reason for therapy during a divorce is so that you can learn more about yourself, and hopefully not make the same mistake again. I've learned over the many years of my practice as an expert and specialist in family law, that people tend to repeat their mistakes. Someone who was married to an abusive spouse, and does not have therapy, will marry an abusive spouse again. Someone who is married to an alcoholic or someone with certain types of personality problems, tends to gravitate towards the same type of individual.

In my career, I represented two women who were each 36 years of age when I handled their sixth divorce. Clearly, these were two women who tended to repeat their mistakes again and again. One of the women remarried for a seventh time, and came back to me wanting a divorce. We had gotten to know each other fairly well and I asked her why, and she said, because she had fallen in love with someone else. I said, why don't you work this through and not get a divorce, because her husband wanted to save the marriage. She said no, she had to follow her heart. She did. I obtained divorce number seven for her, and a year or so later, she contacted me to say that I was right, and she was back living with husband number seven, but had decided not to get married, but just live together.

Clearly, knowing who you are, having appropriate therapy can help anyone to grow and move forward in a fashion that he or she will not repeat the mistakes that led to a divorce.

Michigan Family Law information provided by Bloomfield Hills, MI Divorce Attorney Henry Gornbein.